Friday Reflections - When assumptions make an a$$ out of just me.
6 months ago, I switched to a new dentist. The first appointment was a diagnostic exam, including x-rays, which the office staff assured me would be covered by insurance. I told them I had just had those same x-rays done a week prior by my orthodontist when my braces were removed, but they insisted on doing them again anyway.
So imagine my surprise and indignation when a couple months later, I received a bill from my insurance for those very x-rays.
I knew I needed to call my dentist office and refute the charges but, to be honest, I assumed it was going to be a fight and take a lot of energy and every day that I considered making the call, I just didn’t feel like expending that energy.
So time passed and I continued avoiding the call, while also building the case in my head around why I shouldn’t have to pay, and feeling increasingly indignant that they would suggest I should.
I was finally forced to confront the issue this week, as it was time for my next appointment.
At the end of my visit, I calmly explained the situation to the office manager, and asked if she could help me understand why I was being charged when they told me it would all be covered.
She graciously explained that what I thought was a bill, was actually just an explanation of benefits. The dentist office submits the charges to insurance just in case insurance is willing to pay, and then the office comps anything they’re not willing to pay.
As it turns out, I never owed anything.
And I would have known that if I didn’t immediately drop into a stress reaction upon seeing the words “your cost: $420”, because I would have continued reading to the part that said “This Explanation of Benefits is not a bill — think of it as a receipt for your visit. Typically, any balance that you owe is paid to your dentist. If you would like to discuss billing, please feel free to contact your dentist.”
I would have then simply called the dentist and they would have confirmed that they were comping the rest of the fee, as they said they would.
One would think that as someone who worked in the health insurance industry for 10+ years, I would immediately recognize an explanation of benefits. But instead, I jumped to a conclusion and wasted a bunch of mental and emotional energy on an assumed issue that was never actually an issue.
This pattern of reactivity is more common than not, especially when we perceive a situation as stressful. We tend to jump to conclusions and then feel and behave as if those conclusions are true. For example:
I didn’t get the promotion or the contract, they must not think I’m capable.
I wasn’t included in that meeting, they must think my contribution isn’t valuable.
My manager or partner is in a bad mood, I must have done something to upset them.
I wasn’t invited to that gathering, they must not like me.
There may be very reasonable explanations for those situations that have nothing to do with you that you would know if you simply asked some clarifying questions.
Each individual situation may be relatively insignificant on its own, but over time if we default to assumptions, then that creates unnecessary stress that likely doesn't serve us or those around us.
So my invitation to curiosity today is:
What is a situation that you are feeling either avoidant towards, angry about, or offended by?
How possible is it that your feelings are founded on incorrect assumptions?
What might it look like to ask clarifying questions to confirm whether your assumptions are true or not?
If your assumptions are true, then you can still make a conscious choice of how to respond. If they’re not true, then your concern may simply dissipate in the light of accurate information.
Stay curious,
Jessica
Click here to subscribe and receive future emails directly and here to read past editions