Friday Reflections - Now is all there ever is.

The other day, my 6 year old - who continues to be such a significant source of wonder and inspiration - shared this as I was putting him to bed:

“I’m feeling sad because I’m thinking about the happy times we’ve had on Saturdays and Sundays.”

There are so many directions our conversation could have gone based on that admission, but I chose to ask him what it was about his past experiences that made him feel so happy.

He shared that on the days he was remembering, me, my husband, and him were all together in our kitchen. He was drinking orange juice, someone was cooking food, the sun was bright, and the french doors off our kitchen area that lead to our patio were open, letting fresh air in. 

That was it. That was a happy memory worthy of eliciting a sense of nostalgia and melancholy upon its remembrance.

I think so often we believe that in order to feel happy, our lives have to be full of events and experiences that cost money and completed to-do lists and material things. We have to strategically curate meaningful experiences, especially if we have kids.

And yet, my dear, sweet Everett invites us to consider that perhaps what is really required for a joy-filled, meaningful experience is a willingness to be fully present to the moment.

There’s a saying that “now is all there ever is”. Indeed, our very breath in this present moment is all that is. The past is gone. The future is undetermined and not guaranteed.

Yet so much of our energy and focus is often dedicated to dwelling on the past, wishing we had done things differently, or feeling anxious about the future, or trying to control the present to secure a predictable and/or desirable future.

I think this is particularly true at the end of the year, with the stress and chaos of holiday expectations and performance reviews and inclement weather. With the simultaneous sense of regret for what didn’t come to fruition this year and hope for what could be different next year.

There is certainly a place for reflection and planning. I personally very much value and spend time doing both of those things.

And yet.

How much do we miss when we don’t allow ourselves to simply be? To simply exist, as we are, with awareness and gratitude of what surrounds us in any given moment?

There is a quote from the book “Olive Kitteridge” by Elizabeth Strout that has lingered with me:

“Had they known at these moments to be quietly joyful? Most likely not. People mostly did not know enough when they were living life that they were living it.”

Our life is simply a collection of individual moments. The space between where we are and where we desire to be is our actual life.

I suspect we would each benefit from remembering this and intentionally choosing to behave as if it were true.

With that in mind, this will be my final Friday Reflection for this year. I will be practicing simply being the present moment instead of trying to make sense of it. Friday Reflections will resume in January (and you can revisit past reflections here).

My invitation to curiosity today is three suggestions to consider that may help you practice being in the present moment:

Set an alarm on your phone to simply notice.

Starting with once a day, set an alarm on your phone and when it goes off, just notice what is happening around you. What are you feeling in your body? What emotions are you feeling? What is something simple that exists in that present moment you can delight in?

Take a meditative walk.

Take a walk around your block, or if you don’t live on a block, then walk around your house or apartment building. As you walk down each street or along each side of your building, focus all your attention on the prompts in the image below.

Do an environmental awareness journaling exercise.

Go to a coffee shop, restaurant, park, or wherever else brings you joy that allows you to sit down and write. Start noticing what your senses are picking up and write down what you notice. For example, what do you see around you, including things such as the physical set-up, the people who are there, colors, textures, lighting, etc? What do you smell? What can you hear? What sensations do you feel in or around your body? What energy can you sense? How is what you’re seeing and experiencing making you feel?

Note: as you allow yourself to exist in the present moment, you may find yourself feeling some sort of discomfort. Part of our subconscious motivation for keeping ourselves busy is a fear of what thoughts and feelings may emerge if we slowed down. If discomforting thoughts or feelings arise, just notice them and let them be what they are.

Drop me a line and let me know what comes to mind as you consider this reflection and/or these exercises.

Stay curious,

Jessica

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