Friday Reflections - Creating Awareness of Unmet Needs
TLDR: Ignored needs tend to either grow louder and more incessant or begin leaking out in unproductive ways the more we try to keep pushing them down. Taking time to acknowledge our needs allows us to consider how we might begin meeting them in creative ways.
I’ve been feeling really exhausted lately. Like bone-deep exhausted.
Given that I work for myself in a service-based capacity, I haven’t tended to take much time off. That said, at the beginning of this year, I decided to take a month (mostly) off this summer. My son is going into public kindergarten this fall and my husband and I wanted to spend quality time with him to mark and intentionally prepare him for this transition to the next part of his life.
As a result, I’ve felt even more disinclined to take any other time off, even as my exhaustion increased. I gave myself grace to take naps, sleep in on the weekend, and keep my social calendar mostly clear, but that didn’t seem to mitigate the exhaustion.
Instead, it became louder and more insistent. As symptoms of unmet needs tend to do. And caused me to become more irritable and adopt old coping mechanisms (also symptoms of unmet needs).
And then I came down with two separate viruses in 2 weeks, which is not normal for me. The second of which took my voice and took me out of work for most of this week.
It was like my body was saying, if you’re not willing to give me what I need, then I will simply stop working for you. 😏
When I finally took the time to consider what unmet need was causing my exhaustion, what came to mind was a need to be “fallow”. I conceptually knew this word meant laying dormant for a time, but had to google what the actual definition was:
Definition 1: to plow, harrow, and break up (land) without seeding to destroy weeds and conserve soil moisture.
Definition 2: (of farmland) plowed and harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility as part of a crop rotation or to avoid surplus production.
Y’all. I have never felt so seen by the dictionary.
The first half of this year has been a metaphorical experience of plowing and harrowing. I experienced an overwhelming number of self-insights, particularly related to ways of thinking and being that reflected an old, ego-based narrative that no longer fit. Essentially, weeds that needed to be broken up and removed to make space for what was to come.
And given my propensity to over-produce, it makes sense that this particular season would require a period of rest before new seeds are planted.
If I had taken time a month ago to get curious about what the exhaustion was trying to tell me, then I could have considered creative ways to solve for the unmet need. I could have also questioned my own assumptions around what was necessary to meet that need (turns out 3 days of binge-watching Netflix while sick this week was surprisingly restorative 😅).
Without awareness of the root cause (i.e., the unmet need for extended rest and avoiding "surplus production"), I could only address the symptoms (i.e., the feeling of being exhausted).
Note: I acknowledge there are many needs that can’t be met by simply choosing to meet them. The context of this email is related to unmet needs we have the ability to influence directly, not related to trauma, oppression, poverty, or any other form of systemic injustice.
For you, your unmet need in this context might be desiring more work/life balance. More time to yourself. For your voice to be heard. Time to exercise your creativity. Maybe you simply need to drink more water and move your body more. It may be deeper than that. I encourage you to follow your “symptoms” and consider what they might be telling you.
So my invitation to curiosity for you today is:
What “symptoms” are you experiencing lately? Perhaps you too are feeling exhausted. Perhaps you’re feeling irritable or resentful. Or overworking. Or leaning into codependency. Or simply feeling stuck.
What might those feelings be telling you about something you need that you’re not creating space for?
What are creative ways you can address that need? Resist the inclination to believe there’s an either/or choice. There are likely infinite ways to address your need when you don’t limit yourself.
Drop me a line and let me know what comes to mind.
Stay curious,
Jessica
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