7 Perspectives of: Feeling stressed about having to travel to see family during the holidays.
The way we see and interpret situations informs how we feel about and respond to those situations. There are 7 general ways of viewing and interpreting any situation we may encounter. When we consider each of these perspectives, we can then choose the one that is most likely to help create our desired outcome.
Below is an example of 7 levels of perspective related to: Feeling stressed about having to travel to see family during the holidays.
Note: each of the levels of perspective can show up in different ways for different people. This post is not suggesting that every person experiencing each level will think, feel, and or respond in every way outlined below. This is merely intended to share insight about how the levels tend to show up and spark curiosity in you about which level you may be experiencing.
Also, none of the levels are good or bad, right or wrong. Each level is helpful in particular circumstances and less helpful in other circumstances. The value in understanding the levels is to determine the degree to which each level would serve or limit you so you can make a conscious choice for yourself.
LEVEL 1
Level 1 Perspectives (Powerlessness, futility, avoidance): Traveling makes me feel so anxious, why am I the one who always has to travel? I bet my flight will be delayed or even cancelled, and then I’m going to lose my luggage and get sick and it’s going to be a nightmare. I wish I could just stay home and do what I want to do, but then that would make me selfish and everyone would be upset with me.
Level 1 Responses: Avoid making plans until the last minute, fuel your anxiety by ruminating on everything that could go wrong, dwell on how unfair it is that everyone else’s preferences dictate your life choices.
LEVEL 2
Level 2 Perspectives (Judgement, anger, blame): Ugh I hate traveling for holidays. This is the last time I’m doing this; if my family wants to see me on future holidays, then they can come to me. I mean, do they think I’m just made of money and have unlimited PTO? Traveling is super expensive and I work damn hard for my money, why should I have to spend it all on a societal construct I don’t even completely believe in? I’m sure the airlines are just going to screw up our travel plans anyway and this is all going to be terrible waste of my time.
Level 2 Responses: Make your frustration about having to travel known, either directly or passive aggressively. View every minor challenge or plan change as a source of frustration and irritation. Insist that others make concessions for your preferences, since you’re doing them a favor by being the one who comes to them.
LEVEL 3
Level 3 Perspectives (Responsibility, forgiveness, rationalization): I do value seeing my family during the holidays even though it’s not ideal to travel. I understand that I’m the one who moved away, so it makes sense that I would be the one who has to come back to where everyone is. Even though it’s expensive to travel, at least I can use points or earn points for next time. I’m sure it won’t be that bad, and I can use my time on the plane to read a book or watch a movie, which I don’t normally have time to do.
Level 3 Responses: Take responsibility for your part in the situation. Focus on the positives of being wherever you’re going. Convince yourself of anything you need to in order to feel okay about the trip. Refuse to look at your credit card balance before booking the tickets.
LEVEL 4
Level 4 Perspectives (Care, compassion, service): Of course I’m going to go home to be with my family for the holidays. They would be devastated if I didn’t and I wouldn’t ever want to disappoint them like that. Yes, it would be nice if they sometimes came to visit me for the holidays, but I understand why they can’t (or won’t). Even though it’s an inconvenience to me, I want everyone to be happy during the holidays and will do whatever I need to in order to help make that happen.
Level 4 Responses: Dutifully, if not happily, book your trip for as many days as you’re able to be there. Think about how you can contribute to celebration preparations once you’re there. Feel gratitude that you have a family to go home to. Intentionally be extra nice to all the service workers you encounter along the way, recognizing they have likely experienced some unkind customers and they deserve better than that.
LEVEL 5
Level 5 Perspectives (Growth mindset, curiosity, solution-focus): I know me and my family both want the same thing, which is to be together for the holidays. That said, I wonder what are some different ways we could make that happen that would be mutually beneficial to all of us. For example, perhaps I could travel to them in between or just after the holidays, so I can avoid the chaos of traveling when the rest of the world is traveling while also being able to spend quality time with them during the general holiday season. I’m sure there are lots of creative ideas we’ve never even considered.
Level 5 Responses: Focus on what you and your family really want and collaboratively brainstorm creative ways to make those desires a reality. Ensure none of the ideas negatively impact anyone involved. Reflect on what you’ve learned from past holiday travel experiences and what you can do differently to optimize your current experience. Consider what opportunities become available as a result of you traveling to where your family is.
LEVEL 6
Level 6 Perspectives (Connection, joy, wisdom): I accept that traveling to see my family is simply a part of the experience of living apart. Even if challenges arise, if we miss our flight or lose our luggage, I trust that everything is going to be okay. Flights can be rebooked, clothes can be replaced. If we choose not to travel this year, and my family is disappointed, I can have empathy for their experience while not feeling the need to do something different. I trust that their disappointment has something to teach them about themselves and their values.
Level 6 Responses: Feel full agency to make a conscious choice about whether or not to travel, without guilt, shame, or blame. Trust your intuition to tell you whether making a trip this year is aligned with your whole being. Accept any challenges that arise from either traveling or not traveling with grace and wisdom.
LEVEL 7
Level 7 Perspectives (Non-judgement, absolute joy, creation): Holidays are a societal construct that hold no influence in my decision making. I can choose whether I want to allow myself to participate or not participate and will neither judge myself for my choices or anyone else for their choices. If I choose to travel to see my family, it will be with the utmost joy and motivated by my unconditional love for them.
Level 7 Responses: Choose to travel or not to travel and simply let the choice be with no attachment to or fear of the outcome.
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As you consider the 7 perspectives and responses above:
Which level most accurately reflects your perspective before reading this post?
Which perspective feels most helpful to you as you consider this holiday season?
What might become possible if you adopted that new perspective?
If you would like support along this journey, I invite you to schedule time with me to explore how coaching can accelerate your learning and growth journey.