7 Perspectives of: Spending the holidays alone or only with your immediate family and feeling some kind of way about that.

The way we see and interpret situations informs how we feel about and respond to those situations. There are 7 general ways of viewing and interpreting any situation we may encounter. When we consider each of these perspectives, we can then choose the one that is most likely to help create our desired outcome.

Below is an example of 7 levels of perspective related to: Spending the holidays alone or only with your immediate family and feeling some kind of way about that.

Note: each of the levels of perspective can show up in different ways for different people. This post is not suggesting that every person experiencing each level will think, feel, and or respond in every way outlined below. This is merely intended to share insight about how the levels tend to show up and spark curiosity in you about which level you may be experiencing.

Also, none of the levels are good or bad, right or wrong. Each level is helpful in particular circumstances and less helpful in other circumstances. The value in understanding the levels is to determine the degree to which each level would serve or limit you so you can make a conscious choice for yourself.

LEVEL 1

Level 1 Perspectives (Powerlessness, futility, avoidance): I thought I would have been in a different place in my life by now, surrounded by people I love and who love me back. Why don’t I get to have that? What’s wrong with me that I’m alone, or that my family is alone? Am I/are we unlovable? What if this is all there ever is?  What if I’ve missed my opportunity for meaningful connection? 

Level 1 Responses: Feel envious of others you perceive as having what you desire. Miss or dismiss opportunities for connection. Fuel anxiety by considering worst case future scenarios. Reflect on past relationships, wishing you had acted differently. Exert minimal or no effort to make a plan for how to spend your holiday. Choose to allow yourself to feel sad and disappointed without judgment, grieving the loss of what once was or could have been.

LEVEL 2

Level 2 Perspectives (Judgement, anger, blame):  I can’t believe no one would invite me/us to their holiday gathering, what’s wrong with people? Everyone only cares about themselves these days. Why would I even bother trying to make this day special when my immediate family won’t appreciate my effort? Whatever, I don’t even care, everyone sucks and holidays are the worst.

Level 2 Responses: Blame everyone else for why you are in this situation. Find reasons to be angry and offended. Resist efforts from others to engage with you. Resent and/or judge other people who post on social media about their “happy” holiday experiences. Hold a grudge towards anyone who didn’t invite you to their gathering that you believe should have invited you.

LEVEL 3

Level 3 Perspectives (Responsibility, forgiveness, rationalization): I can own that I’ve made choices in my life that have contributed to this current situation. And, although I would prefer to be with other people this holiday, I/we can still make the best of my/our time. There’s no point in sitting around and feeling bad for ourselves; why would someone choose to feel bad when they could choose to feel fine? 

Level 3 Responses: Look at the bright side of the situation, for example, at least I don’t have to work today! At least I don’t have to spend time with weird or triggering family members! Don’t overthink anything, just make a plan for how to spend the holiday that is “good enough” and/or makes you feel good about yourself.

LEVEL 4

Level 4 Perspectives (Care, compassion, service): There are plenty of people in the world who have it far worse than me/us. In fact, I/we should probably spend the holiday helping or serving those people, which would make me feel both useful and great. Holidays are also a time to reflect on what we feel grateful for and I really do hold gratitude for so many things. 

Level 4 Responses: Identify ways to serve others, whether by making treats for a neighbor, serving in a meal center/soup kitchen, volunteering to work so your coworkers can spend the holiday with their families, etc. Also consider what would make you personally feel good and prioritize that if possible.

LEVEL 5

Level 5 Perspectives (Growth mindset, curiosity, solution-focus): Being on my/our own for the holidays affords us the opportunity to do things we otherwise wouldn’t be able to do if we had familial obligations. There are no problems, only solutions, so if I or we don’t want to be on our own for the holiday, we can also do something to change our current circumstance. This could actually be my/our best holiday ever.

Level 5 Responses: Enthusiastically brainstorm ideas of ways to spend the holidays that would be interesting, fun, and/or meaningful. Find other people in a similar situation who would be delighted to get together. Release judgment about what a holiday “should” look like and start dreaming up ideas for what a holiday “could” look like. 

LEVEL 6

Level 6 Perspectives (Connection, joy, wisdom): Regardless of how I choose to spend my holidays this year, I feel a sense of joy and contentment within. I know this experience fits into the grander scheme of my/our life and that everything will work out for my/our good. I feel connected to all things and all people so I know that I can reach out to someone if I desire to. 

Level 6 Responses: Tap into your inner wisdom to determine how you want to spend your holiday. Sense where your energy is flowing and follow it without judgment. Simply exist in the present moment, feeling connected to and filled by everything and anyone around you. 

LEVEL 7

Level 7 Perspectives (Non-judgement, absolute joy, creation): I hold no attachment to societal constructs of what a holiday is or ought to be therefore I feel no emotions towards being “alone” on this random day on the calendar (which is also a societal construct). Indeed, I am never alone because I am always in intimate connection with my Creator and Higher Power.

Level 7 Responses: There is no response because there is nothing to respond to. You create any experience you desire in every moment.

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As you consider the 7 perspectives and responses above:

• Which level most accurately reflects your perspective before reading this post?

• Which perspective feels most helpful to you as you consider this holiday season?

• What might become possible if you adopted that new perspective?

If you would like support along this journey, I invite you to schedule time with me to explore how coaching can accelerate your learning and growth journey.