Friday Reflections - My most vulnerable "Friday reflection" yet.
Happy Tuesday, y’all. You may be wondering why an email with a header of “Friday Reflections” is landing in your inbox on a Tuesday.
Well, truth be told, this is probably the most vulnerable (and longest) email I’ve sent to date so it took a bit more time to write.
The TLDR of this email is that I just launched my new website. You can simply click that link and check it out or you can continue reading below to hear my heart behind this launch.
A bit of context.
In January 2017, I started a life coaching business as a little side hustle. I was known as a person who would reflect back the honest truth of your situation, with a unique combination of sharp insight, empathy, and gentleness. As a result, my calendar was always full of 1:1 meetings with people who wanted a safe space to share, so I figured I would offer that in a more formal capacity.
I eventually decided to pursue coaching more intentionally and obtained my professional coaching certification and ICF-credential in 2020. The business had also expanded to include leadership coaching and Enneagram training and grew enough to go full-time at the beginning of 2022.
But here’s the thing. When I transitioned to full-time coaching, I didn’t actually tell anyone. 🤭
There was no launch email. No social media announcement. I didn’t even have a website up for part of that first year.
The only way you would know about me was if you knew someone who knew about me.
Kim K energy isn't something I typically strive for 😆
To be honest, a part of me took pride in that idea. It felt good to know that my clients’ experiences were so positive that they referred me to others who in turn became clients.
And, to be even more honest, holding on to that sense of pride prevented me from having to acknowledge that a different part of me wanted to stay small and hidden so if I failed, no one would notice.
After all, if I owned that I was running my own business and no one wanted what I was offering, then what would that have said about me? About my coaching skills? About my business skills? I had spent the last 15 years helping other businesses and programs craft go-to-market strategies but what if I couldn’t do it for myself?
And so I stayed small. I kept my business and reputation contained. I played it safe. And did pretty okay.
And yet.
Another deeper part of me knew I was meant to be doing more. I knew that to live in full alignment with who I was created to be, I would need to step outside of my manufactured comfort zone, allow myself to be seen, and risk failure (or worse, mediocrity 😱).
My ego's worst case scenario situation.
I would need to honor my inner knowing or stuff it down until I lost access to that knowing.
To what extent have you felt something similar? If you have, you’re not alone. I’ve heard many versions of this same story from my clients.
My client, Jules, understood this all too well.
Jules (who gave me permission to share this story) and I recently traded services. I coached her and she did a photoshoot for me (more on that later).
Jules was feeling unsure of what to do next in her career. For the first time in her life, she had the freedom to pursue anything and that freedom felt like a burden. So, her coaching goal was to gain clarity on what she wanted to do and make a plan to start doing that thing.
Now, in moments like this, it would be easy to take the goal at face value. We could have simply started vision boarding and talking about how her skills, experiences, and passion could translate into future career possibilities.
However, if I took my clients’ goals at face value, then I would be doing them a huge disservice because in my experience, the thing we believe we want, is rarely what we really want. And, the thing we believe is holding us back from what we want, is rarely the real issue.
During our first session, I noticed Jules had offhandedly mentioned the concept of “time” multiple times, so I asked her to tell me about her relationship with time.
She shared that she felt there was never enough time and she didn’t want to ever waste time, which meant she didn’t know how to simply be in the present moment.
I asked her if she could think of even one time when she had felt completely in the present moment.
That question really hit her and she teared up as she shared that the only time she felt in the present moment was at the ocean. The ocean was the one place that felt big enough to contain all that she is, without judgment.
You see, Jules had internalized a message that she was too much. She was too loud. Took up too much space.
The ocean reflected back to her that she was perfectly right sized for the life and purpose she was created to live. At the ocean, she felt safe to be her full self and access joy and child-like wonder.
So I asked her, what would you do if you allowed yourself to tap into your child-like wonder and exist in the fullness of who you are?
She responded that she would open a studio wherein creatives could come together and create and belong and live into the “big-ness” of who they were meant to be.
The next week, Jules started looking for studio spaces to lease with a friend who wanted to go into business with her.
In a mere 2 coaching sessions, Jules was able to cut through all the noise and confusion created by fear and internalized limiting beliefs, figure out what she wanted, and then begin making meaningful progress towards the next part of her story.
Jules’ issue wasn’t that she didn’t know what she wanted to do, it was that she didn’t know how to allow herself to be.
That is the power of the kind of coaching I do.
And it’s because of people like Jules that I finally committed to allowing my own self to be. Specifically, to own that I’m the kind of coach who insists on going deep and getting to the thing beneath the thing. The root level issue. Because it’s only once we get there that we can shift our foundational beliefs, exponentially expand our perspective of what is possible, and create new behaviors that are grounded in our new belief foundation.
Not everyone is ready for that, which means my coaching style isn't for everyone. But I'n going to step out so that the ones who are ready can find me.
So with all that as context, I share with you my new website.
I invite you to peruse it for yourself and share it with the people in your life who you know are ready for something more.
By the way, Jules is the one who took all the photos for my new site. But she didn’t just take photos. She captured me. Jules and I, while in different trades, are both in the business of seeing people, and helping people see themselves in a new way that catalyzes meaningful change.
So, my invitation to curiosity to you today is this:
In what ways are you playing small to keep yourself safe?
In what ways are you not seeing yourself as you truly are?
What would you do if you stopped playing small and started operating in the fullness of who you were created to be?
Who do you know that would agree with one or more of the following statements? Have them reach out to me at this special referral link where they’ll receive 10% off any services they sign up for (and you'll receive a free coaching session for anyone you refer who signs up):
I feel stuck or misaligned in some area of my life, either because I don’t quite know what I want to do with my life or because I know but I'm not doing it.
I want to become a more effective, inspired, and inspiring leader.
I want to learn how to apply insights from the Enneagram in my life and work.
I extend to you my deepest gratitude for reading all the way to here.
Stay curious,
Jessica
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