Friday Reflections - Courage vs. Confidence vs. Faith
TLDR: New situations call for courage more than confidence. Don't hold yourself back due to lack of confidence; instead, move forward with courage.
Earlier this week, I was at a new playground with Everett (my 5-yrld son) and he climbed halfway up an unusually tall play structure. When I saw him turn around and start coming back down, I called out to him asking why he was turning around. He responded that he was afraid that if he kept going higher, then he might be too scared to go further but also not be able to get back down.
I let him know that if that happened, he could just call out to me and I would come help him. With that bit of assurance, he continued onward, eventually reaching the top and sliding down the slide back to the bottom.
Having realized he could, in fact, make it all the way to the top, he endeavored to try again. Each successive time he made it to the top, he did so quicker and with more confidence than the last, until he was navigating up and down with ease.
As I sat there observing his progression, it struck me as a perfect metaphor for the intersection between courage, confidence, and faith.
Courage vs. Confidence
Courage is required when we’re doing something we haven't done before, something we don’t necessarily know how to do.
Courage says, this feels scary, but I’m going to do it anyway. I’m willing to do it scared because the reward on the other side seems more compelling than my current trepidation.
After we’ve done something at least once and realized we’re okay, nothing catastrophic happened, then we start developing confidence. Confidence comes from navigating uncertainty and gaining insight into what worked and what didn’t work, and then applying that knowledge to the next similar situation.
Confidence says, I’ve done this before, or at least something similar to this, and I believe I can do it again.
Sometimes, we confuse a need for courage with a need for confidence.
I often hear from clients that they can’t move forward with the thing they’re wanting to do because they don’t feel confident and believe they need to feel confident to proceed. In most situations, they’ve never done the thing they believe they should feel confident in and yet they feel like an imposter on account of their lack of confidence.
A common example of this is transitioning from an individual contributor to a manager. New managers will share that they don’t know what they’re doing and feel like an imposter as a result. When I ask whether they’ve ever managed anyone before and their answer is “no”, I then inquire how that makes them an imposter.
An imposter is someone who purports to be something they’re not. When someone is promoted from IC to manager, there is no pretense that they’ve been a manager this whole time and therefore ought to know what they’re doing. A new manager can only begin to feel confident as a manager once they've had experiences that validate their managerial abilities.
Doing something for the first time necessitates courage to do the things that will, over time, create data points supporting the fact that you are capable of doing that thing. Once you collect those data points, courage transitions to confidence, which then often leads to other things that require courage. In this way, courage begets confidence, which begets further courage and the cycle continues on.
Courage vs. Confidence vs. Faith
Going back to the example of Everett on the playground, it was confidence from past playground experiences that got him halfway up the play structure, but there was something beyond courage that motivated him to continue on.
Faith.
Faith is the belief that something greater than yourself exists, has your back, and will be there in your time of need.
Courage says, I can do this scared because I believe in myself.
Faith says, I can do this scared because I believe in the trustworthiness of something bigger than myself.
Everett had faith that I would be there even when he couldn’t see me, and trusted that if he needed me in that particular circumstance, then I would respond accordingly.
This experience then increased his confidence in his ability to navigate tall structures, which led to him choosing to be courageous on a high water slide a few days later, after which he commented, “that was so so scary, and so so fun”.
Everett riding the “so so scary but so so fun” ride.
While this may seem like an inconsequential situation in the broader context of life, I believe that every situation we experience can serve as an opportunity to learn and grow and come to new insights (or be reminded of past insights) that will positively impact future experiences.
Thus, the insights I would share from this week are this: Some situations call for courage, others call for confidence while others call for faith. At times, all three are required. Courage to do the scary thing. Confidence that you’ve done scary things before, even if it’s not this exact thing, and that you’re capable of learning new things. Faith that you’ll be okay no matter the outcome because something bigger than yourself is invested in your wellbeing.
So my invitation to curiosity for you today is:
What situation(s) are you currently facing that you feel apprehension or trepidation towards? Perhaps there’s a new opportunity at work, or you’re considering the idea of launching a side hustle, or leaving your job, or starting or ending a relationship, or having a hard conversation.
Have you faced this kind of situation before?
If yes:
What did you learn that you can apply to this situation?
What data points do you have suggesting you are capable of handling this situation?
If no:
What would a courageous person do?
What would a courageous next step look like?
How does faith come into play for you?
To what extent do you believe in the existence of something greater than yourself that is working for your good?
Drop me a line and let me know what comes to mind.
Stay curious,
Jessica
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